17 Aug 2017

And Then, An Apple...

I was stuffing myself on the sofa, eating my curds and whey, when down came a viper and sat down beside me and stole my wallet away.
“I like phone I use for calling far away so now I’d like new phone for everything and say goodbye to little folding phone and old far away phone.”
”No problem. Next time we’re in the supermarket, pick one; there’s a bunch of budget phones out there.” Her expression resulted in me becoming aware of a jingling sound, not too far away, as of alarm bells.
”I’d like an apple...”
”Oh, right! I’ll pass the fruit bow...”
”...phone.” BONG!! Went those damn bells.

Who said slick TV and film product placement doesn’t work? Anyhoo, as we all know, whatever gender you’ve assigned yourself today, reasoning with someone assigned as female, a female who wants something, is fruitless and a pointless waste of weeks of your dwindling time here.

Luckily, she didn’t want one the size of a small TV and after a quick search I found one that suited her every desire. Here I must say that I’m quite excited about this as it’ll give me something new to find my way around and play with while setting it up for her and discovering, for myself, wot all the excitement is about that Apple products generate with the young folk as I’ve never, ever used anything Apple at all. Almost happy daze then. And how sad is that then?

As she’s an international jet setting viper – you seen Snakes On A Plane? – she needs one that’s SIM free and unlocked. I searched and found various retailers wot sell ‘em like that. Investigate further and you find that the phone will instantly lock to the provider of the first SIM inserted. Yes, you can unlock it but it seems that will void any warranty an’ such. Is that of any great importance in these scrappy days? Probably not but get one from an Apple store, or accredited Apple kit seller and, for a few pounds more, probably the cost of an unlock, they come SIM free and remain unlocked so’s you can switch SIM cards at the drop of a provider.

That’s the first Apple lesson learned and so it’s shopping day tomorrow.

Breaking: Seems another van with mental health  problems has run amuck; this time in Spain. T-light and teddy ready?

Quote;  ??

“Today even kids have iPhones. When I was a kid, I felt cool with new pencils.”

15 Aug 2017

And Then, Old...

First-up, I had an E-mail from a friend – I was going to say an old friend, but aren’t we all? Anyhoo, he informed me he’d been less than well for the past year and this culminated in a hip replacement operation. He didn’t elaborate on what his hip was replaced with but it must be something along the same lines as he mentioned he was getting better but still walking with a pronounced limp. That’s L.I.M.P. pronounced limp. Can’t beat the old ones eh?

Now for some serious{?} stuff. A K Haart has the lowdown on the back-down of a shoe manufacturer relating to their naming of a girls and boys range of footwear.  However, all is now well in the world of shoe names according to Nanny Knows Best as, allegedly, they’ve renamed the line snappily thus;
Dolly Babe shoe has been renamed: CGNS1067386/2017B (Clark's Gender Neutral Shoe No: 1067386/2017 season, in black)

Finally, though I believe this will be far from ‘finally', I was surfing the news and crashed onto the rocky shore of wot’s below. Worryingly, they walk amongst us:

   A couple are raising Britain's first gender-fluid family, bringing up their four-year-old son as a 'person' and not a 'boy'.
   Nikki and Louise Draven from Middlesbrough do not believe in imposing a gender on Star Cloud, especially as neither of his parents gets 'hung up' on the gender they were born with.
   Louise, was born a man but is transitioning to be a woman while Nikki was born a woman but identifies as both male and female and dresses as a man on some days and wears high heels, lipstick and padded bras on others.
   Star views Louise as her mother, although she is her biological father, while Nikki – who Star calls Daddy – is his birth mother.
   The Dravens, who married in a pagan ceremony in 2012, are believed to be Britain's first entirely gender fluid family.

You may believe this is just a sad hippy couple living their own dream – or having a giraffe at our expense. Click on this link, view the pictures and have that belief shattered and then have a weep for the future.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t a couple recently have child fostering refused on the grounds of their politics as they were UKIP voters? Hello!! Where are the Child Protection Services relating to this sad storey? UKIP bad - Pagan good? After this attention seeking{?} media exposure you’d think that, in a normal world, this  couple would’ve  been quietly sectioned and secured by now, for their own good, and the poor kid, that would be Star Cloud, offered up for fostering to some evil UKIP voting couple.

You think we’re going to hell in a handcart? I believe we’re heading there in a V8 powered handcart...

Whatever your belief system, if there is someone, something, somewhere out there, they must be close to despair by now and considering calling it a day. And if we’re just part of a computer sim game being played by some kid in his bedroom in another dimension, even he must be thinking he’s lost the plot and be close to turning his computer off and back on so’s the game will boot back to the big bang and he can have another run at it. After supper of course. Just in case he does reboot – bu-by.

Quote;  John Steinbeck.

“And finally, in our time a beard is the one thing that a woman cannot do better than a man, or if she can her success is assured only in a circus.”

11 Aug 2017

And Then, No End...

I was perusing places on that Net thingy early doors when a link popped up before my eyes wot cheered me up immensely. Below is a toilet designation sign as used by M & S stores. Like me, no doubt you, when in need of relief, look for the sign indicating toilets, choose the door with the sign that best represents your chosen gender designation of the day, dive in and relieve yourself.

Now please take a moment to study the sign under no pressure and I’m sure you’ll be as upset and outraged by it as I am.


As outraged by the sign as as we are, most of us are too shy, or dare I say timid, or possibly have more urgent things to worry about so don’t  put pen to paper to direct our ire at the store in question. Have no fear, there’s always a nutter ready to wake of a morning and proceed with the sole intention of finding something, anything, that offends them and broadcast that offence to the world.

The thing about wot’s below is the scary mention that the police are involved. The police? Please let that bit be another wind-up.

Writing on the company’s Facebook page, Sawyer said she felt “surprised and disappointed” at two toilet signs in the Shoreham store which depict a woman with a baby, and a man on his own.
   “I expected being a family store that you understood that families very much share children’s needs and personal care, not just women,” she said, and urged Marks & Spencer to either add a picture of a child to the men’s toilet sign, or remove the depiction of a child on the women’s sign.
   In a reply to the complaint, Police Sergeant Peter Allan the ‘Hate Crime Ambassador’ and ‘Trans Equality Advocate’ at Sussex Police described the signs as a “surprise”, reporting his having “had conversations with Tesco and Sainsbury about issues of gender identity”.

Mzz Sawyer, good luck with your endeavours and may all your days offend you and stifle  your quest for happiness. Let’s just hope WWIII doesn’t interfere with the store being able to resolve this heinous signage debacle.

Here’s a song for you Surprised-and-disappointed Sawyer. It’s featured here before but I feel, as time goes by, it’s rapidly become a sort of anthem for the age.


Quote;  Rohinton Mistry.

“Flirting with madness was one thing; when madness started flirting back, it was time to call the whole thing off.”

10 Aug 2017

And Then, Before The Times...

Further to all the recent revelations regarding being allowed to choose your gender at the drop of a skirt, I got pointed to this riveting read. Yep, it’s over a year old and just goes to show how something as outlandish as this can, in our so enlightened world, become almost mainstream. And, of course, how ahead of the times this child was.

You need a taster?

  Nano says she first realized she was a cat when she was 16 years old.  She says doctors found a "genetic defect" in her DNA, which she claims proves she is indeed a cat.
   “Sometime I hiss when meeting dogs in the street. It's because of their behaviour and my instinct automatically reacts by hissing,” she said. 
   She prefers walking on her hands and knees, and sleeps in sinks and on windowsills. She also claims to have ultra-sharp-hearing and cat-like night vision.

There is, of course, a video.  This is obviously a wind-up, right? Right? Whatever, I do hope her dad and mom, Tom and Jenny perchance? are really, really proud of her.  Wind-up or not, there seems to be little to no hope for us.

Never mind; the way Trumpton and that fat kid are doing that schoolyard, “Oh yeah?” thingy right now, it looks like the world could be heading for a major reboot then it’ll be down to the cockroaches to  sort things out and find a use for all that polystyrene.

Quote;  Terry Pratchett.

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”